Navel Gazing 101

bowlingalleylawyer: k-troll:bathroomwindow: hell yeah I’m...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:33:49 -0500

k-troll:bathroomwindow:

hell yeah

I’m 40 and according to this my life and fun are over? And I’m supposed to have cancer, apparently.

I really feel sorry for you guys that believe this shit.

As someone who once made a suicide pact for his 30th birthday, I can testify that this is bullshit. But your opportunity to be irresponsible does diminish in middle age!

"Eddie: [on turning 40] This is something that is happening to me. This is something that I’ve..."

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:30:16 -0500

“Eddie: [on turning 40] This is something that is happening to me. This is something that I’ve got to deal with, alright. I’m sorry if that sounds selfish, but it’s me, me, me!”

- “Absolutely Fabulous” (1992)

Spencer Gifts: Actual Yelp

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:00:33 -0500

“I like Spencer’s because it’s the closest thing to time travel that modern living affords us.

Strolling aimlessly through the store, trying to remember why the hell you walked in to begin with, you will inevitably come across a blast from the past; two teenage boys, perhaps even an awkward-looking teenage girl behind them, rummaging through the posters.

“Look at this one! It’s got all the sex positions! And this one’s like a table of elements of alcohol! Oh dude, this one’s got mug shots of celebrities. That’s Jack White! Seven Nation Army!”

Occasionally a fourth one will show up with some nightmare from the “sex toys” aisle.

Oh lawdy. A strawberry-flavored butt plug.

You will chuckle to yourself at this display of unabashed immaturity.

And then, it will creep upon you. The overwhelming chill will seize you, and you will stand aghast.

Cause that was totally you four or five years. Don’t even fucking lie.

That statue of the skeleton wizard with the dragon? That’s the same one you almost bought when you were 17. Yeah, imagine if you had to wake up next to that every day. Good luck with the casual sex there, buddy.”

nedhepburn: sweet relief. It takes a brave soul to tread the...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:49:52 -0500

nedhepburn:

sweet relief.

It takes a brave soul to tread the empty path. I am not that brave.

This song took up residence in my head for no apparent reason. I...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:42:13 -0500

This song took up residence in my head for no apparent reason. I know I need help: “Let me take you back to wonderland, I will take you back to wonderland”

I would believe in Jesus if he appeared in my living room and...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:13:23 -0500

I would believe in Jesus if he appeared in my living room and looked like Jeremy Sisto.

"Sperms are my testicle’s tears of joy."

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:02:24 -0500

“Sperms are my testicle’s tears of joy.”

- @sybastien via Twitter Tweet-of-the-Day Award (via plaintruthiness)

You twitter like a mad man possessed. I can’t decide if this is a desirable condition.

"Are you German? You walk German!"

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:46:27 -0500

Like a conquering war hero, I arrived back at ghetto school. Floating through the lobby, I rode up the elevator, running into the case manager who closed my case. I was high intensity charm, despite my former hasty retreat. Beating the system can make you arrogant, and I probably resembled a smug bastard today. Having saved my active status by the skin of my teeth, I should not have been so cocky. But I have been known to push my luck. After spending 3 months learning the “ins and outs” of the system, I relished the opportunity to act like a seasoned veteran. It amused me to watch the rookies struggling to make sense of it all. Maybe it is the mean streak in me, but it gave me a certain satisfaction. Believe me, I did not want to wake up at 6:30 in the morning to head down to South Bronx. But the risk was worth the reward, because I have my ducks lined up in a row. Target practice should begin next month, when they shut me down for good. In the meantime, I found comfort in the “shock of the old”. I won’t go so far as to say I’ve missed this hellhole, but familiarity does provide some relief. As I marched along Third Avenue, I encountered a pedestrian who commented on my distinctive wooden soldier walk.

tylercoates: What a good lookin’ couple. “I’m...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:21:33 -0500

tylercoates:

What a good lookin’ couple.

“I’m gonna work 50 times harder, and I’m gonna be 50 times more famous than you!”

(via plaintruthiness) How many straight male professional ballet...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:39:58 -0500

(via plaintruthiness)

How many straight male professional ballet dancers are there? My guess is very few.

“I’m a man in a room with a view of the stars...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:30:09 -0500

“I’m a man in a room with a view of the stars hanging over the town. Hell Mary, where are you know? I’m looking up. Are you looking down?

“The guy is as good as any musician and his lyrics are...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:00:14 -0500

“The guy is as good as any musician and his lyrics are complete unique interpretations on love, friendships and life. It’s a stunning surprise and I’m proud to say that I got mine for 99 cents.”

Better than Caffeine?

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:49:54 -0500

The two-hour power nap I took did the trick for me. Let’s see what time I get to bed!

"Cycle of stupidity/ Welcome to the world of the internet and social media in the early 21st century. Fame whore does something the managers/handlers/hangers on think will generate "buzz". Performance completed. Everyone gets on their high horse media choice and pontificates endlessly."

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:13:01 -0500

"Cycle of stupidity/ Welcome to the world of the internet and social media in the early 21st century. Fame whore does something the managers/handlers/hangers on think will generate "buzz". Performance completed. Everyone gets on their high horse media choice and pontificates endlessly."

"Not so fast, Von Ryan. These have always brought me luck."

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:46:51 -0500

““Not so fast, Von Ryan. These have always brought me luck.””

- Elizabeth Taylor, White Diamonds (Who the hell is Von Ryan?)

Not every child star grows up to be a train wreck. “Did I...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:22:33 -0500

Not every child star grows up to be a train wreck. “Did I have fun as a teenager? I did, but it wasn’t documented. I didn’t abuse the privilege of being a public figure.”

peterwknox: Hear about Xmas come early? The uptown WTC stop on...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:02:06 -0500

peterwknox:

Hear about Xmas come early? The uptown WTC stop on the R/W line opens next week? Only took 108 months! (& helps me out though)

It may be wishful thinking, but I’d like to know when the Cortlandt Street station on the #1 train line might be back in operation… But, hey it’s only been eight long years!

DEAR GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP. THAT IS NOT AN ACCEPTIBLE VOLUME FOR YOUR MUSIC. I AM GOING CRAZY. I HATE YOU AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU. TURN OFF THAT CRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:42:05 -0500

(via thedisgruntledgradstudent)

Had I known you were travelling on the same local bus this afternoon, I’d have said “Hello!” Tip: If I can figure out what track you’re listening to, you’re “doing it wrong”. The other passengers were willing to give you a free pass because you’re a teenager. But I was actively wishing for your inevitable deafness. I know, I can be a real bitch!

molls: Which character in this movie haven’t you been? To be...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:45:12 -0500

molls:

Which character in this movie haven’t you been?

To be honest, I have been each one of these guys at different points in my life. FTW!

bowlingalleylawyer: inothernews: This negates a lot of the...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:27:42 -0500

bowlingalleylawyer:

inothernews:

This negates a lot of the terrific shit that’s happened over the past fortnight.

Thanks, BAL.

missed you friend.

This is like a “very special episode” of Blossom, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :)